An ideal Halloween costume

My head in the center of a giant calendar turned to November
the first day of the month circled in thick, red marker.
When someone asks what I am
I'll say all arrogantly
“The Future"

And then that particular someone will turn into a hurricane (cause that's how they're made, I think)

I ain't afraid of no ghosts.

(I am however, petrified of using proper English)

Welcome to an interesting fact I overheard in Chinatown this afternoon

"73% of the Earth's smog is caused by a foot disease only wolfmen can develop."

Case Closed, You All.

WILLMINGTON, Delaware – Dir. of the Office of Homeland Security Tom Ridge alongside local police chief William Hamm held a press conference yesterday addressing the latest information on the newly dubbed Cave Creep. Ridge stated, “Despite our initial reports, we now have strong evidence indicating Cave Creep’s tits are in fact, fake.”

Mr. Game Snow

This guy eats cocaine. He also photographs you while you're dancing.

BARRY MANILOW - "I Write The Songs..."

I've been alive forever
And I wrote the very first song
I put the words and the melodies together
I am music
And I write the songs

[Chorus:]
I write the songs that make the whole world HOuu..uhgggggha!
I write the songs of love and special mmmyyuuuuuvuh!
I write the songs that make the young girls zznuuuuuanananVUH!
I write the songs, I write the songs

My home lies deep within you
And I've got my own place in your soul
Now when I look out through your eyes
I'm young again, even tho' I'm very old

I write the songs that make the whole world AHHHHHHHHHH!!
I write the songs of love and special HUMMunnnananaan-zot
I write the songs that make the young girls muuuufedtt
I write the songs, I write the songs

Oh, my music makes you dance and gives you spirit to take a chance
And I wrote some rock 'n roll so you can move
Music fills your heart, well that's a real find place to start
It's from me, it's for you
It's from you, it's for me
It's a worldwide symphony

I write the songs that make the whole world HEeeuhhhhguhHUWW!
I write the songs of love and special bafooooka
I write the songs that make the young girls garGGRARG
I write the songs, I write the songs

I write the songs that make the whole world NOOYEREW
I write the songs of love and special Gagyuuhit
I write the songs that make the young girls hmmmmmSWUUHYTE!
I write the songs, I write the songs

I am music and I write the songs

Sender: Ticketmaster

Subject: Don't miss "The Marine" & WWE RAW present: The DX Reunion Tour!

Thank you for the email, Ticketmaster. Really, it's like you know what I'm thinking. And what I need. It almost makes me regret the fact I have to pour lava all over your office sometime in the near future. Or yesterday.

hey, here's an idea!

shave your beard and remind yourself how much you lack a chin! ok?