Cemeteries effected by the recession

NEW YORK, NY - Due to the recent recession cemeteries are having trouble affording additional real estate needed for expansion. To cope cemetery directors have been steering clients towards alternatives such as cremation or NBC's method, burying their dead at 10pm.

Recliner sales on the rise

NEW YORK, NY - According to a new study, the advent of the HD television is the reason U.S. recliner sales are projected to reach $4 billion this year. Also projected to reach 4 billion, the average recliner owner in pounds.

Elivs hair sells for $15,000

NEW YORK, NY - A clump of hair believed to have been from the head of Elvis Presley sold for $15,000 at a Chicago auction house. Similar to most auctions involving hair, the item went to the person who was highest creeper.

Facebook poke lands woman in jail

NEW YORK, NY - Shannon D. Jackson of Tennessee was arrested last week for Facebook poking a woman who had an order of protection placed against her. The crackdown has spread, Police have since filed homicide charges against millions in connection with some shit called Mafia Wars.

Fire sweeps through home as man sleeps

NEW YORK, NY - A Pittsburgh man who slept soundly as fire tore through his home, didn't wake until firefighters did a walk through two hours later. The man said he would've been more alert had he not been up all night setting fire to his home.

German gets caught on train

HAMBURG, GERMANY - A German man mooning rail staff on a departing train got his pants caught in a door and ended up being dragged half naked along the platform - which, according to witnesses, is exactly how German chocolate is made.