Man stabbed while sleepwalking

NEW YORK, NY - A Kansas City man was stabbed Wednesday when his girlfriend allegedly tried to wake him from sleepwalking. The man survived the shocking attack, but sadly, his under ware did not.

On Wednesday night a man suffered a stab wound when his girlfriend allegedly tried to wake him from sleepwalking. Doctors say the man did not sustain fatal injuries, though he has developed Never-fall-asleep-without-covered-in-a-full-suit-of-armor Syndrome.

A 24-year-old Kansas City man suffered stab wounds to his face and shoulder Wednesday when his girlfriend allegedly tried to wake him from sleepwalking. The man did not sustain fatal injuries, but his under ware...well, they were entirely sustained.

Spector moves to California prison

NEW YORK, NY - After his conviction in the shooting death of an actress, music producer Phil Spector has been assigned to a "sensitive needs facility" in a California prison. The facility houses ex-gang members, those with substance abuse problems and inmates whose mug shots have the power to scorch through any pair of eyelids.


NEW YORK, NY - After his conviction in the shooting death of an actress, firearm fanatic Phil Spector has been assigned to a medium security prison. As a medium security inmate, Spector can make some entertainment requests - he's asked that his cell include an iPod, fully loaded.

Pet Airways

NEW YORK, NY - Beginning this July, a new airline will offer flights strictly for house pets. The airline's founder said the idea to transport dogs came to him while watching VH1's "Rock of Love Bus".

Steve Jobs Has Liver Replaced

NEW YORK, NY - Due to a recent bout with cancer, Apple CEO Steve Jobs has reportedly undergone a liver transplant. As for his old, diseased liver, Apple has announced it will be packaging it under the name iPhone 3GS.

Arnold Schwarzenegger In Jet Drama

LOS ANGELES, CA - While flying over Santa Monica, California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger's plane made an emergency landing as a result of a fire in the cockpit. Passengers weren't alarmed, California's jobless rate is so high someone screaming the word "Fire" has become routine.

Get well soon, Hillary

On Wednesday afternoon, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton injured her elbow in a fall while heading into the White House. Coincidently, the last time there was an injured elbow in the White House it was during Bill's lonely nights following Lewinsky-gate.

Zicam Warning

An important message from the Food and Drug Administration:

After numerous complaints, we here at the FDA must warn consumers about the potential health issues stemming from Zicam nasal cold remedy products. Recent studies have forced us to believe use of these products will lead to the loss of one's sense of smell. We have offered the makers a solution:

Zicam, exclusively found in the His and Her Gift Set from Paris Hilton Perfume.


"It's made from my butthole."

Lakers and Los Angeles

Coping with our troubled economy, the city of Los Angeles was forced to depend on donors to fund its parade honoring the Lakers' championship win. In fact, money is so tight, during the post-game celebrations all rioters overturned were the hamburgers on the Wendy's night shift.