A fan I am not. They're worthless and flush at the worst possible times. While I'm sitting?! Unacceptable. The harsh, sprays of porcelain juice they create should be arrested. Throughout this past week I've been battling this one, specific toilet, through gritted teeth referring to it as "you mother fucker" four times, "son of a bitch, asshole" twice, and "white trash!" at least thirty, forty times. Still, I'm abused by its cockness.
To every motion activated toilet out there, I say this:
1. You've done your job capturing my urine and feces, I'll take it from here.
2. You're never going to be human, so stop trying to act cool.
3. I hope someone pours wet cement in your mouth. I mean, your bowl (not human).
Gruesome.
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